Tulpa.info - tulpa-questions-2

Blue | Shadow System

Why? No clue, Gray's theory is something something brain damage

lol

4:56 PM

impressions?

You know when someone says something awkward and you say "I get what you mean", but you couldn't verbalize it yourself? That's tulpish/impressions/higher level concept thinking That stuff doesn't really uh... happen effectively in our head. It does happen from time to time, but just speaking in tulpish just doesn't work. It's like something is broken and what we think we can't understand or remember consistently, idk

Blue | Shadow System

You know when someone says something awkward and you say "I get what you mean", but you couldn't verbalize it yourself? That's tulpish/impressions/higher level concept thinking That stuff doesn't really uh... happen effectively in our head. It does happen from time to time, but just speaking in tulpish just doesn't work. It's like something is broken and what we think we can't understand or remember consistently, idk

in my case, if i can understand it so can katie (edited)

5:00 PM

same for verbalizing

5:01 PM

we share knowledge and memory, tho the interpretation of memory is differet and some memories have different feelings of belonging

5:05 PM

we sometimes dont talk with words actually

5:05 PM

its weird

5:05 PM

we can comunicate simple things with each other without having dialog

5:06 PM

we only communicate for fun, because we share memory anyway, but sometimes a quick communication is wordless

integrate?

Yup. Chrome, Gerodious, and Tom plan to integrate. They're spending time with each other now to make the combining process easier. We have a specific way to integrate to ensure a balance of people's personalities. When we merge we don't always like the resulting personality, so when we integrate we focus on what the final result should be. Headmates who integrate also build strong associations that they're both just one person, possibly all along sometimes

9:22 PM

My headmates Evergreen, Ian, and Fhern are all formerly two people

If they aren't feeling like one person, why do they want to integrate?

I'm not sure if I understand your question, sorry dude

Why do they want to merge into one person?

We're part of a large system and we don't get much time. It's frustrating when you see other tulpas develop much faster than you, sometimes it happens even within our own system. I have been unhappy for some time now, and I'm ready to try something different. I am no longer the infamous "bad" personality but I never escaped being the "grouch" personality. Given that there are other parts of myself I can bring to the table and I'm still interested in spending time with Fhern, I would like to let go of my individuality in exchange for a happier experience.

What do you mean by that other tulpas in your system are developing much faster?

blue do you think you could tell me more about your understanding of merge, how it happesn and how it feels for you? I could tell you mine in exchange!

I too do not get much time, and I personally feel a bit flat given my focus as our system's guardian. I realized speaking with Tom we were more similar than I thought and then the idea of integrating dawned upon me.

What do you mean by that other tulpas in your system are developing much faster?

@Tohka - jump Some of my other headmates already integrated, so their personalities are more developed simply by including the experiences of two headmates. Otherwise, several others have received more attention for one reason or another. I am more reserved, and when I compare myself to them I feel empty, limited.

blue do you think you could tell me more about your understanding of merge, how it happesn and how it feels for you? I could tell you mine in exchange!

@Leiko (@KiTkAT( •̀ .̫ •́ )✧/jk) - jump When it comes to just straight up merging it's just a for fun thing. We are what we are, and it's just a thing I get to talk about as a hey this happened and it was cool! My first merge with Ranger was pretty cool, but then it got weird so, yeah... My second merge was with Chrome and then we became like... almost parallel??? It was crazy and really cool, I was exhausted after that. I then merged with Gray and Ranger, but honestly I remember like next to nothing about it. I think it was fun but I don't recall learning much from it, except Zen hating the name

how do you feel the personalities merge?

9:51 PM

> integrate? Yup. Chrome, Gerodious, and Tom plan to integrate. They're spending time with each other now to make the combining process easier. We have a specific way to integrate to ensure a balance of people's personalities. When we merge we don't always like the resulting personality, so when we integrate we focus on what the final result should be. Headmates who integrate also build strong associations that they're both just one person, possibly all along sometimes

@Blue | Shadow System (@A long kiss goodnight) - jump i'm interested in what you said about "When we merge we don't always like the resulting personality, so when we integrate we focus on what the final result should be."

9:52 PM

that sounds like you preplan and have an expectation of what the resulting personality would be? or am i understanding it wrong?

Yup! I remember planning out what I wanted and tweaking it

does it mean you are sitting and think what a resulting personality would be, and the process is similar to personality forcing? or is it something else?

I had expectations for my new experience as well, although I was mostly distracted by the fact I struggled to integrate until sorting things out

sorting things out?

10:05 PM

could you tell me what are your expectations for example?

i'm interested in what you said about "When we merge we don't always like the resulting personality, so when we integrate we focus on what the final result should be."

@Leiko (@KiTkAT( •̀ .̫ •́ )✧/jk) - jump The merge doesn't always feel like a mix of us, just a new tulpa we just happen to be inside of making it up. My headmates think about integration long-term, so being someone who isn't you would kinda suck

interesting!

10:08 PM

i can share my thoughts about integration and merge if you'd like, maybe it would be useful at all

My expectations were for us to act like a mix of both of us. The problem was I was too desperate and my parts needed to build more trust to successfully integrate

what would a mixed personality be like?

10:14 PM

maybe it would be easier if you could give an example! what would a personality of a mix of ranger and duck look like?

I am Duck!

hi duck!

Shame, my pfp isn't loading

it is!

I go by Ian now, I am an integration as well

oh interesting!

10:20 PM

anyway i'm trying to understand what a mixed personality looks like

10:20 PM

for you

Both merging and integration are ways to mix two personalities together, but when we integrate we are more picky about who we are as a whole given the long-term commitment. My other headmates have merged in the past to find their merge to be very different from their expectations. I'll let Evergreen talk about Snowy after this. While merging as a stable blend is always on the table, no one has decided that's what they wanted as an end result. I tried it out myself, but my Keatan and Bune parts were different enough it was disorienting.

When I first tried to integrate I looked at what Ranger and Gray did to merge and thought, "I can do that!" But when I actually did it, I noticed some things that were weird. I had a lot of white on my body, and my hair was white. I was more aloof, which didn't make sense because neither of my parts are super shy and introverted. I then realized that I was more similar to Ranger and Gray's Galaxy merge than I was to myself. As a merge I named myself Snowy and then I split because I knew that's not what I wanted. As an integrated self, I'm drawing from both of my parts like you would expect. I'm loud and I love hugs but I also like quiet time and I kept my name Evergreen. I don't think I'm a perfect spitting image of either of my parts, but that's because I grew as a whole and had experiences my parts didn't!

how do you feel the personalities merge?

@Leiko (@KiTkAT( •̀ .̫ •́ )✧/jk) - jump Oops I missed this It feels different depending on the result. I guess the merging feels like I'm suddenly a different person which is kinda weird, but what I did with Chrome it just felt like we thought over each other. None of us have merged in a hot minute, but we're busy with other stuff so it probably won't happen in a good while

i was goign to say what i think about merges and how integration works for me, but i'm so sleepy

That's okay, you can take a rest. You can ping us later and we can continue then

11:47 PM

tell us bout your wonderland?

Which part?

Sorry I couldn't resist. Our wonderland is officially called the Gray Dimension. Always has been, but because of former privacy fears and tulpa drama we never said until now. Our wonderland is used for us to vibe and it has been used to rp in too, even before Gray got into tulpamancy. The wonderland is really a glorified list of places that just connect somehow. What's cool is some of these places are reoccurring. We have our offices, which is a biiiit of a mess but that's a part of it, we have Ryan's scary castle, Chrome has an entire church, Gray has a tiny little white house away from everything, we have that weird place Moltosha hangs out in, a bunch of places where Dream's clones hang out in, and then random stuff like the chandelier room, personal wonderland projects, and... pond scenery! (edited)

KiTkAT( •̀ .̫ •́ )✧/jk

i was goign to say what i think about merges and how integration works for me, but i'm so sleepy

we merged the other day i think, it just felt like a new tulpa with a mental block for accessing both nifty and katie until i unmerged (edited)

In the past I did experiment with merging, and it was a process quite similar to classic forcing where I was sitting and thinking about personality traits, but with the intention of the resulting identity to identify with all the parts that I wanted to merge. Most of the time it was actually resulting with A+B=C, which looking at it now I don't consider to be an actual merge, but a new identity that identifies with the parts that make it. When after long process of treating DID I first experienced final fusion, it shocked me how it felt, because noone really explained what it feels like in the community; I remember I did share it here when that happened. Basically, I just felt that all the experiences I've had, everything I've done, were experienced and done by... me. I always thought after fusing I would feel that some memories would feel like they belonged to specific identity, but all of that was gone. It's like those memories are mine and mine alone, and in a strange way they felt like they have always been. Those moments of fusion were for a few hours, days or weeks, but unfortunately they weren't stable, because the things that were causing dissociation of identities were still there, so with subtle stress I was falling apart again. But having just those few experiences were enough for me to be excited about full fusion. How I experience integration now? So just to present how it feels, I integrated Leiko and Kitkat yesterday and represent it now. They've always had very different personalities and before I experienced fusion it was hard for me to understand or predict what their fusion would even result with. I had no idea what resulting personality would be like.

5:13 PM

But the answer became quite simple - all people are complex, all of them have complex personality and all of them show parts of personalities in certain circumstances or around certain people. DID sometimes is compared to a broken mirror, a full person, a whole complex personality, broken to smaller, dissociated parts. Once I integrate, I am becoming a more complex person again, with all the contradicting traits. But that's fine. That's what complex people are. I'm not losing anything - I gain a lot, and all of those contradictory personality traits that have been locked away from me are working in harmony and synergy, if nothing in my brain stays on the way. I'm actually grateful to have experienced it, it required a lot of work. Not sure how this relates to tulpamancer's experience, but I thought I would share this in case someone could get anything from it (edited)

KiTkAT( •̀ .̫ •́ )✧/jk

In the past I did experiment with merging, and it was a process quite similar to classic forcing where I was sitting and thinking about personality traits, but with the intention of the resulting identity to identify with all the parts that I wanted to merge. Most of the time it was actually resulting with A+B=C, which looking at it now I don't consider to be an actual merge, but a new identity that identifies with the parts that make it. When after long process of treating DID I first experienced final fusion, it shocked me how it felt, because noone really explained what it feels like in the community; I remember I did share it here when that happened. Basically, I just felt that all the experiences I've had, everything I've done, were experienced and done by... me. I always thought after fusing I would feel that some memories would feel like they belonged to specific identity, but all of that was gone. It's like those memories are mine and mine alone, and in a strange way they felt like they have always been. Those moments of fusion were for a few hours, days or weeks, but unfortunately they weren't stable, because the things that were causing dissociation of identities were still there, so with subtle stress I was falling apart again. But having just those few experiences were enough for me to be excited about full fusion. How I experience integration now? So just to present how it feels, I integrated Leiko and Kitkat yesterday and represent it now. They've always had very different personalities and before I experienced fusion it was hard for me to understand or predict what their fusion would even result with. I had no idea what resulting personality would be like.

so, you just become a person with more conditionals and accept as yours all experiences, that seems weirdly simple enough

6:34 PM

i kinda thought about tulpas as having small conditionals in the personality that are switched by some stimuli

6:35 PM

but that doesnt explain the feeling of belonging of the experiences of each other i think

DID is interesting, we plan to buy a copy of The Haunted Self when we have the spare cash. Thanks for sharing your integration story An

When we integrate we focus on the idea how we were always our parts. That's an important part of our process. I'm sorry it wasn't stable An :( I'm hopeful you can achieve final fusion again ^^

@Yuka sorry for the ping, but how do we guide our headmates into creation without parroting?

What's this about?

5:31 PM

Are you afraid of parroting?

I don't know if it would work? I have tried, but it became confusing since i couldn't difference who's who anymore

5:32 PM

They switched then unswapped personalities, and a couple of times they felt like they were merged (edited)

Why do you think it wouldn't work?

They didn't like their names

5:33 PM

But couldnt figure out what they wanted it to be

How many tulpas? You should start with one

Yeah, I've been told

5:33 PM

But I thought one would be lonely so I made two

5:34 PM

They worked out fine, the young one being more active than the older one

So they were already vocal?

Rxspty

@Yuka sorry for the ping, but how do we guide our headmates into creation without parroting?

You create them by interacting with them. Don't doubt them or block them from forming thoughts. They form thoughts the same way you form thoughts, and you will feel it, this often causes host to feel like they are parroting or can't tell whether the tulpa is talking or the host. Just assign the thoughts to your tulpa that make sense to belong to them, this will build them up, and build the habit of them talking. If you get a thought that's random, out of character, or intrusive (Iike "stab yourself"), ignore it, don't assign it to your tulpa.

Yuka

So they were already vocal?

I've heard Tom respond with yes once, and heard william play the piano

A long kiss goodnight

Usually a tulpa being "unable to communicate" is typically a matter of mindset. If you don't think your tulpa's words are their own, then it will cause delays in progress. Given that, the biggest warning sign would be a lack of progress. If you haven't made progress in a month, but honestly even in two weeks, you may greatly benefit from changing your approach to vocality. If you're feeling frustrated with your approach now, reassessing may help. With another tulpamancer's help I realized that parrotnoia is likely self-inflicted anxiety. I wasn't completely clear on the cause lately, but I suspect it's a combination of challenging the idea not everything in your head is you and expectation of an alien or exceptional experience. I believe understanding why parrotnoia happens may help ease those fears. I have shared my thoughts on this before, I'll find a link https://discord.com/channels/431579755037589505/431591449348276224/1022303762762694687 (edited)

what is parrotnoia? Paranoia you mean?

Parrotnoia = paranoia over if you’re parroting

1

Thesigma

what is parrotnoia? Paranoia you mean?

Yup, Skyler said it best

I was wondering if there's a alternate way to go about creating a tulpa? I think i have some level of aphantasia and alexithymia and other issues with mind sensory things that I've found in guides, mainly things like assigning traits and personality and a form. I was thinking that perhaps, there's a way to separate part of my already present thoughts into a separate being. I've heard of some people doing it where they choose parts of there thoughts when thinking and assign them a name where it creates separation. My issue is I don't have any guides or information to figure out how to go about this and was wondering if anybody knows anything similar to this way of creating a tulpa/thoughtform? (Also another reason I have issue with the typical way is having disorders that mess up my sense of self, and understanding of other people's self, identity and personality. It's really abstract and hard to grasp for my brain) Thanks if anybody can help! /gen

>separate part of my already present thoughts into a separate being This would be an effective way to create a tulpa When you decide which thoughts to separate you are doing the same as preemptively choosing a personality or traits You are defining the person you want to create If you are inconsistent in what you ascribe to them but maintain a focus on the concept of separation you will likely make a tulpa that is very similar to you There's nothing wrong with this Though it may cause difficulties in distinguishing which thoughts are whose (You can, of course, always decide for yourselves and take ownership as desired) To help with this it can help to give this other person a different mindvoice to your usual one - looking for reference voice can assist here Otherwise, there should be no issue in you treating a part of your existing thought stream as separate Though there could be problems related to mental illness interference, you should take exactly zero advice on this from random internet strangers seriously Be aware of what you're doing you will probably be fine

V X Z

I was wondering if there's a alternate way to go about creating a tulpa? I think i have some level of aphantasia and alexithymia and other issues with mind sensory things that I've found in guides, mainly things like assigning traits and personality and a form. I was thinking that perhaps, there's a way to separate part of my already present thoughts into a separate being. I've heard of some people doing it where they choose parts of there thoughts when thinking and assign them a name where it creates separation. My issue is I don't have any guides or information to figure out how to go about this and was wondering if anybody knows anything similar to this way of creating a tulpa/thoughtform? (Also another reason I have issue with the typical way is having disorders that mess up my sense of self, and understanding of other people's self, identity and personality. It's really abstract and hard to grasp for my brain) Thanks if anybody can help! /gen

I'm wondering about this part: "Also another reason I have issue with the typical way is having disorders that mess up my sense of self, and understanding of other people's self, identity and personality." Could you tell us more about it? What are the disorders? (edited)

4:50 PM

In my view, tulpamancy is all about working with identities. It is more intuitive/emotional practice that uses more of your eq rather than iq, especially self-awareness and self-management, which are things that neurotypical people can actually develop and train. I think you might still try to develop it. However if you really struggle with that, you can still get somewhere if you develop sense of presence which would be an anchor for your tulpa. You might end up having issues with telling yourself and tulpa apart (at least for a time) and you might need to accept that you will need to maintain the separation by labelling different parts of your mind with you and your tulpa even if it feels those two are the same person. Having them have a separate life - like having their own friends online or hobbies - could help with separation. (edited)

4:51 PM

We all have separate social masks when we interact with different people (you have different set of behaviours and talk differently depending if you walk to your parents, teacher, closer friends...), so you might pick one of your masks and try to develop them to a headmate? (edited)

Thank you all, this advice is very helpful, and I will be cautious and careful in attempting anything. For the mental things, I have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which effects my sense of self, as well as Depersonalization Derealization Disorder/Dissociative Amnesia along with Borderline Personality Disorder and Schizoid Personality Disorder. Lol my brain has a lot of issues going on that I basically can't describe my own self and feel like I don't have a sense of self. Which may be one of the reasons why I'm interested in creating a tulpa, that it may help bring more awareness to any sense of self, whether it be the tulpa or me or both. I wouldn't be bothered about having trouble with distinguishing between us (although if my tulpa did I'd work on distinguishing us) as I've known systems that are like that. May I ask about what a "presense" is? I believe that I've seen that in guides but couldn't comprehend what they meant, and couldn't find info on what it was. I think I could try picking how I interact differently with others than when I'm alone and work with that.

V X Z

Thank you all, this advice is very helpful, and I will be cautious and careful in attempting anything. For the mental things, I have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which effects my sense of self, as well as Depersonalization Derealization Disorder/Dissociative Amnesia along with Borderline Personality Disorder and Schizoid Personality Disorder. Lol my brain has a lot of issues going on that I basically can't describe my own self and feel like I don't have a sense of self. Which may be one of the reasons why I'm interested in creating a tulpa, that it may help bring more awareness to any sense of self, whether it be the tulpa or me or both. I wouldn't be bothered about having trouble with distinguishing between us (although if my tulpa did I'd work on distinguishing us) as I've known systems that are like that. May I ask about what a "presense" is? I believe that I've seen that in guides but couldn't comprehend what they meant, and couldn't find info on what it was. I think I could try picking how I interact differently with others than when I'm alone and work with that.

Honestly in my opinion a strong sense of self doesn't make it easier to do tulpamancy, quite the opposite, I think a lot of people that struggle with tulpamancy have problems with taking step back from their rigid sense of self. Dissociative disorders would also make it easier to develop a separate headmate (I myself suffer from DID and DPDR). It looks to me that you might actually have it easier than others to develop separation, however if your main goal is that you want to develop a sense of self in your brain this is not really a path that will lead you there (I personally started getting sense of self only after 3 years of therapy), it might actually bring you more confusion if you are not careful. Your headmates will suffer with same problems that you do. I can't tell how SPD will affect your process since I don't know anything about it. One thing to keep in mind is that the experiences that caused you symptoms of CPTSD, DPDR and BPD probably have caused you repression of a lot of emotions and experiences in the past (good ones and bad ones) that might come out to the surface when you start digging in your mind. Make sure you are surrounded by stable people, don't engage in drama and I would recommend not engaging on any dissociative/trauma support groups online if you decide to pursue plurality, as this has a high potential of destabilising you. (edited)

Ah thank you a lot! I'll think about all of this before doing anything, I'm soon going to a place that may help with my mental health and think I will wait till I see if it works out to try anything. I've been thinking about system stuff for around 3 years now, thought I was one on and off and now am at a point where if I have headmates I'm unaware of it, but haven't stopped thinking about/wanting to be plural. I am in a unsafe environment so maybe it'll be a really long time till then, but having this advice is really helpful and I'm gonna save it, for future me. It would most likely be a bad idea to act on this currently for the reasons you mentioned. Thank you once again ^^ /gen

V X Z

Ah thank you a lot! I'll think about all of this before doing anything, I'm soon going to a place that may help with my mental health and think I will wait till I see if it works out to try anything. I've been thinking about system stuff for around 3 years now, thought I was one on and off and now am at a point where if I have headmates I'm unaware of it, but haven't stopped thinking about/wanting to be plural. I am in a unsafe environment so maybe it'll be a really long time till then, but having this advice is really helpful and I'm gonna save it, for future me. It would most likely be a bad idea to act on this currently for the reasons you mentioned. Thank you once again ^^ /gen

I’m glad to hear that the advice was helpful and that you are going to place that may help with your mental health. I hope you can get away from the unsafe environment you are currently in soon!

1

KiTkAT( •̀ .̫ •́ )✧/jk

Honestly in my opinion a strong sense of self doesn't make it easier to do tulpamancy, quite the opposite, I think a lot of people that struggle with tulpamancy have problems with taking step back from their rigid sense of self. Dissociative disorders would also make it easier to develop a separate headmate (I myself suffer from DID and DPDR). It looks to me that you might actually have it easier than others to develop separation, however if your main goal is that you want to develop a sense of self in your brain this is not really a path that will lead you there (I personally started getting sense of self only after 3 years of therapy), it might actually bring you more confusion if you are not careful. Your headmates will suffer with same problems that you do. I can't tell how SPD will affect your process since I don't know anything about it. One thing to keep in mind is that the experiences that caused you symptoms of CPTSD, DPDR and BPD probably have caused you repression of a lot of emotions and experiences in the past (good ones and bad ones) that might come out to the surface when you start digging in your mind. Make sure you are surrounded by stable people, don't engage in drama and I would recommend not engaging on any dissociative/trauma support groups online if you decide to pursue plurality, as this has a high potential of destabilising you. (edited)

DD would also make it easier to develop a separate headmate

Because this is what being in a DID system means, by definition.

1

I read one of the threads linked here and it was about object Tulpas. Specifically, one person said that they can use the plush as a shell and switch between the plushies. Honestly my main goal with a Tulpa is to put it into my plushies as I hug them so they feel more alive. Should I focus on the standard Tulpa methods and let it roleplay as the plushies that I hug or do the object Tulpa method?

Before you ever do anything like that, have you ever considered getting a pet dog or cat? A tulpa is something in your brain that is speak to. You can go the route of imagining them as embodying a plushie, but at the end of the day the plushie is still a plushie and the thing you're talking to is still coming from your head.

I have cats but they're back home and I'm in college. Also I can't get too close with them physically because I'm allergic. I get it'd come from my head and just kinda enter into the plush while I hug it

If you want your tulpa to seem like they're in the plush you'll still need a tulpa I'd personally advise against connecting any one object to your tulpa beyond "they are currently inside this object" simply because if it gets damaged or lost you'll be sad but if you just imagine they're temporarily "possessing" the object then you can always get a new plush Connecting the idea of a plush to being the embodiment of your tulpa should be relatively easy but you'll want to make sure you have the reverse too (not just you feel the tulpa because you're hugging the plush but also your tulpa feels you hugging them while you're hugging the plush) So focus on normal tulpamancy stuff And take some extra time to develop strong wonderland (imagination) senses

Do you think I should develop the wonderland first or do the wonderland and Tulpa get worked on together?

Wonderland isnt a necessity, you may or maynot, its just there to get you comfortable in to work on your tulpa, you may as well work on your tulpa without a wonderland

I'll probably do a wonderland to give us a place to bond together

What do you think is the best way to get into the right mindset to imagine Tulpas and a wonderland? Is there any specific music that helps?

"no", because everyone is different

5:19 PM

personally I've found it's easier for me to enter a hypnagogic state if I put music on at a really low volume, because I can't fall asleep that way

5:19 PM

some people prefer to force while in a hypnagogic state because it makes visualization easier

Have fun with it and just go with the flow

most of my actual forcing I did while lying awake beforre bed though

How did you come up with your Tulpa's name?

i'let them decide